Some posts from a previous blog, just to catch you up on my life.
Ramblings of an Uncollared Knight
Thursday, December 07, 2006, 9:30:25 PM
Re-uniting soon
Saturday, October 28, 2006, 2:49:40 PM Stacey
I miss bill. Its just that simple. He's been away 10 days not including the few hours we had Monday night.... fooling around and sleeping.Hopefully he is coming home tonight. Even late, but better than tomorrow.We have barely had time together this month at all... and since its only our second month together.. sheesh!So much to catch up on... getting a routine down for living together, actually going on a date (not just to eat but a REAL date!), kissing and touching and remembering one another!Trying to fit day to day life into a D/s relationship that really may be only D/s in the bedroom.Is that sooooooo bad? I don't know. I don't know if I have what it takes to be a full time Domme. I doubt it. I have a woman and lover and little girl all inside of me. I love having my heart protected, my voice heard and my feminine parts played with! :)bill does all of it with ease.And I love him for it. We need to work out some of the finer points of our relationship... since we aren't together that long and that often... we are still learning our ways... together and separately.I hope he comes home tonight. I long for his lips.. his hands... his being.Keep your fingeres crossed!
Getting to know one another again.
Monday, November 13, 2006, 9:19:12 PM Stacey
I did a very stupid thing while bill was away. I kissed someone else.In the world that bill and I live in, cuckolding is something that can be done if both people agree with it. I could be free to date/sleep with/kiss anyone I want and he can't! The problem is we had discussed it and we both agreed NOT to do it.But, I did.So, now, almost a month later, we are healing our wounds. We are now much more a "vanilla" couple than D/s. We are now better friends than we would have been under the usual dating circumstances. We are now just starting to be intimate again and enjoy the sex life we had enjoyed before.Its now a new beginning... lets see where it leads.
No postings from Sir William
Thursday, November 16, 2006, 7:34:00 PM Stacey
He probably will not write here again for a while. We are still working on our relationship. I wonder if he will ever feel about me as he did in the beginning. I don't think so. I think we are becoming very good friends with amazing benefits. Sex is great, driving around and talking is great, being in one anothers life is great but... the intensity is gone. I feel it everyday.Bill's birthday is Monday. I was trying to plot and plan a surprise that would have blown his mind. Unfortunately, I needed other women to be in it with me and they aren't able to... so now I will just give him his sword and hopefully have a sexfilled weekend since my daughter will be with her father.I don't know how to get the initial feelings back. I don't think I can actually. If we just enjoy one another, day to day, maybe that is enough for now. I know I have cravings... I can't get enough of bill. I truly get so turned on touching him, kissing him, being with him. I think I scare him with THAT intensity. Its just a shame he doesn't feel the same way. I have so much love and sexuality to share with him.Makes me kinda sad I screwed up so badly so early on in the relationship. Theres no going back... only moving forward and hoping for the best.
10 Best Things About BDSM
Saturday, November 18, 2006, 10:15:11 AM Stacey
I found a wonderful blogger, Richard. He has multiple blogs going for different reasons but they are all fresh and alive with a lot of great information on each site.Here are my Top 10 cool things about BDSM for ME! :)1- Freedom. I can be the strong Domme Bitch with sadistic tendencies and still be liked and accepted. :)2- Learning to accept the person I am. Maybe this is still the Freedom part but I am coming to the conclusion that I am not different, bad or not lovable because of my kink.3- Meeting fantastic people. I have made a lot of aquaintances over the last few years and have some longer lasting real friendships with like minded people. They are my friends!4- Living out the kink I have inside. I have learned and tried so many new activities that in a vanilla life I wouldn't have known about less alone lived out.5- The greatest sexual highs. I have had great lovers and sexual experiences. I am a Domme but love having my hair pulled. Love sharing long passionate kisses. I have been blessed in being with some strong men and when I bring them down... the intensity for me can't be matched.So, I only have 5 Best things about BDSM so far. Maybe more will follow, maybe not! :)
Fits and Starts
Tuesday, November 21, 2006, 12:36:22 AM Stacey
I am tossing and turning in my bed while bill plays Xbox. WTF? I can't sleep. Its been nights and nights like this. We are on the same path (to happiness) but taking two very different roads. I need and crave affection and love. I admit it, as bill likes to call me, I am an attention whore. But to lay awake night after night waiting for a touch, a kiss that never comes...How many of you fellow bloggers can have sex with someone they care so much for and not kiss during the play time? We do. Almost every time in the last month we have gotten each other off without ever kissing. I can't stand it!Why am I awake and typing on a blog he no longer cares about instead of just telling him how I really feel!?!?!?Why do we have a night of talking where I feel so close to him, so safe, but the very next night (his f'ing birthday no less) I am all alone at the PC instead of in his arms?!!??!?!I am ready to scream .... my silent screams.he knows my every real feeling, he admitted it last night. He pays close attention to my heart and mind yet can't be the man I want in MY ways... how does he see the inner me and yet doesn't come to cherish that woman? How can he keep me at such arms length and yet wonder why I have no security in our relationship? I did this to us, I cheated. I understand that fully but when does the punishment end? When do I get treated as a friend, lover and partner instead of a fuck buddy when HE is in the mood??DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another night I will close my eyes and pray.
Identity
Monday, November 27, 2006, 8:04:35 AM Stacey
I think one of the things I have a hard time dealing with is identity or lack of an identity. When I was married I was the primary caregiver and bread winner and Mom and Wife and and and. Now, I am OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Divorced and living with bill and my daughter and have lost all other titles.I am going to remove queen from my title here. That one I can live without. But really, where do women fit in? We are women, lovers, moms, daughter, employees, friends, etc. Are we whole if we don't want to be any of the above names?Hmmmmmmm I haven't been sleeping well lately so I have a lot of ramblings going on inside my head. They don't seem to ever stop. I worry about being a good mom to my daughter who is SO open to everything. I want to help her be the best, HEALTHIEST, child she can be. She certainly doesn't need a mom who doesn't feel whole if she isn't a caretaker.Sheesh, its why I left her dad. I want her to know independence, love, joy, intelligence and so much more. She will stumble and fall, no doubt, but it doesn't have to be because I did it to her.Maybe I truly want my daughter to live better than I did. Not to feel so much pain and neglect I have felt. Maybe I don't want her to be 33 and a complete fuckup! OK, I am not a complete fuck up... but.. a half of one? I don't know.Ask my parents, my boyfriend who doesn't love me anymore, my therapist, my x husband... you get the idea :)Anyway... just a quick ramble today. Gotta go clean... feels soooooooooo good to see a floor! :)
Just some thoughts
Thursday, December 07, 2006, 9:30:24 PM Stacey
Bill is away again. Supposed to come home tonight but he got stuck in Philadelphia. I feel badly for him. He is running himself raggard and its only the beginning of a few weeks of this AGAIN.I miss him. I feel somehow comforted by having him around...even though we broke up a week ago. I am hoping (as a selfish woman would) that this is temporary. I am hoping that he will realize that we are really good together and want me the way I want him.If not, we are great friends and that's fine.I have to learn to get over him while he is still in my face, so to speak. I close my eyes when he changes clothes in front of me! Honest!!!! There is just something so sexy about him that I get turned on by looking at him. BUT, he doesn't want me that way anymore... so I will get over it.We are going to try to continue to live together. Who know if this can work. I hope so. Like I said, I feel comforted having him around.This has been a long week. I stopped speaking with my best friend. I told my father that I don't really want him around my daughter, Bill and I broke up and I was diagnosed as Bipolar and now am on meds.What a frigging week!But things will get better. This is just a test from G-d and I will win. I have no choice. I have an amazing daughter to raise. I don't have time to be a head case. :)She's finally asleep... now I can go to bed. Wishing Bill was with me.........as always.Goodnight whoever still reads this blog! Thanks too!
Thursday, December 07, 2006, 9:30:25 PM
Re-uniting soon
Saturday, October 28, 2006, 2:49:40 PM Stacey
I miss bill. Its just that simple. He's been away 10 days not including the few hours we had Monday night.... fooling around and sleeping.Hopefully he is coming home tonight. Even late, but better than tomorrow.We have barely had time together this month at all... and since its only our second month together.. sheesh!So much to catch up on... getting a routine down for living together, actually going on a date (not just to eat but a REAL date!), kissing and touching and remembering one another!Trying to fit day to day life into a D/s relationship that really may be only D/s in the bedroom.Is that sooooooo bad? I don't know. I don't know if I have what it takes to be a full time Domme. I doubt it. I have a woman and lover and little girl all inside of me. I love having my heart protected, my voice heard and my feminine parts played with! :)bill does all of it with ease.And I love him for it. We need to work out some of the finer points of our relationship... since we aren't together that long and that often... we are still learning our ways... together and separately.I hope he comes home tonight. I long for his lips.. his hands... his being.Keep your fingeres crossed!
Getting to know one another again.
Monday, November 13, 2006, 9:19:12 PM Stacey
I did a very stupid thing while bill was away. I kissed someone else.In the world that bill and I live in, cuckolding is something that can be done if both people agree with it. I could be free to date/sleep with/kiss anyone I want and he can't! The problem is we had discussed it and we both agreed NOT to do it.But, I did.So, now, almost a month later, we are healing our wounds. We are now much more a "vanilla" couple than D/s. We are now better friends than we would have been under the usual dating circumstances. We are now just starting to be intimate again and enjoy the sex life we had enjoyed before.Its now a new beginning... lets see where it leads.
No postings from Sir William
Thursday, November 16, 2006, 7:34:00 PM Stacey
He probably will not write here again for a while. We are still working on our relationship. I wonder if he will ever feel about me as he did in the beginning. I don't think so. I think we are becoming very good friends with amazing benefits. Sex is great, driving around and talking is great, being in one anothers life is great but... the intensity is gone. I feel it everyday.Bill's birthday is Monday. I was trying to plot and plan a surprise that would have blown his mind. Unfortunately, I needed other women to be in it with me and they aren't able to... so now I will just give him his sword and hopefully have a sexfilled weekend since my daughter will be with her father.I don't know how to get the initial feelings back. I don't think I can actually. If we just enjoy one another, day to day, maybe that is enough for now. I know I have cravings... I can't get enough of bill. I truly get so turned on touching him, kissing him, being with him. I think I scare him with THAT intensity. Its just a shame he doesn't feel the same way. I have so much love and sexuality to share with him.Makes me kinda sad I screwed up so badly so early on in the relationship. Theres no going back... only moving forward and hoping for the best.
10 Best Things About BDSM
Saturday, November 18, 2006, 10:15:11 AM Stacey
I found a wonderful blogger, Richard. He has multiple blogs going for different reasons but they are all fresh and alive with a lot of great information on each site.Here are my Top 10 cool things about BDSM for ME! :)1- Freedom. I can be the strong Domme Bitch with sadistic tendencies and still be liked and accepted. :)2- Learning to accept the person I am. Maybe this is still the Freedom part but I am coming to the conclusion that I am not different, bad or not lovable because of my kink.3- Meeting fantastic people. I have made a lot of aquaintances over the last few years and have some longer lasting real friendships with like minded people. They are my friends!4- Living out the kink I have inside. I have learned and tried so many new activities that in a vanilla life I wouldn't have known about less alone lived out.5- The greatest sexual highs. I have had great lovers and sexual experiences. I am a Domme but love having my hair pulled. Love sharing long passionate kisses. I have been blessed in being with some strong men and when I bring them down... the intensity for me can't be matched.So, I only have 5 Best things about BDSM so far. Maybe more will follow, maybe not! :)
Fits and Starts
Tuesday, November 21, 2006, 12:36:22 AM Stacey
I am tossing and turning in my bed while bill plays Xbox. WTF? I can't sleep. Its been nights and nights like this. We are on the same path (to happiness) but taking two very different roads. I need and crave affection and love. I admit it, as bill likes to call me, I am an attention whore. But to lay awake night after night waiting for a touch, a kiss that never comes...How many of you fellow bloggers can have sex with someone they care so much for and not kiss during the play time? We do. Almost every time in the last month we have gotten each other off without ever kissing. I can't stand it!Why am I awake and typing on a blog he no longer cares about instead of just telling him how I really feel!?!?!?Why do we have a night of talking where I feel so close to him, so safe, but the very next night (his f'ing birthday no less) I am all alone at the PC instead of in his arms?!!??!?!I am ready to scream .... my silent screams.he knows my every real feeling, he admitted it last night. He pays close attention to my heart and mind yet can't be the man I want in MY ways... how does he see the inner me and yet doesn't come to cherish that woman? How can he keep me at such arms length and yet wonder why I have no security in our relationship? I did this to us, I cheated. I understand that fully but when does the punishment end? When do I get treated as a friend, lover and partner instead of a fuck buddy when HE is in the mood??DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another night I will close my eyes and pray.
Identity
Monday, November 27, 2006, 8:04:35 AM Stacey
I think one of the things I have a hard time dealing with is identity or lack of an identity. When I was married I was the primary caregiver and bread winner and Mom and Wife and and and. Now, I am OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Divorced and living with bill and my daughter and have lost all other titles.I am going to remove queen from my title here. That one I can live without. But really, where do women fit in? We are women, lovers, moms, daughter, employees, friends, etc. Are we whole if we don't want to be any of the above names?Hmmmmmmm I haven't been sleeping well lately so I have a lot of ramblings going on inside my head. They don't seem to ever stop. I worry about being a good mom to my daughter who is SO open to everything. I want to help her be the best, HEALTHIEST, child she can be. She certainly doesn't need a mom who doesn't feel whole if she isn't a caretaker.Sheesh, its why I left her dad. I want her to know independence, love, joy, intelligence and so much more. She will stumble and fall, no doubt, but it doesn't have to be because I did it to her.Maybe I truly want my daughter to live better than I did. Not to feel so much pain and neglect I have felt. Maybe I don't want her to be 33 and a complete fuckup! OK, I am not a complete fuck up... but.. a half of one? I don't know.Ask my parents, my boyfriend who doesn't love me anymore, my therapist, my x husband... you get the idea :)Anyway... just a quick ramble today. Gotta go clean... feels soooooooooo good to see a floor! :)
Just some thoughts
Thursday, December 07, 2006, 9:30:24 PM Stacey
Bill is away again. Supposed to come home tonight but he got stuck in Philadelphia. I feel badly for him. He is running himself raggard and its only the beginning of a few weeks of this AGAIN.I miss him. I feel somehow comforted by having him around...even though we broke up a week ago. I am hoping (as a selfish woman would) that this is temporary. I am hoping that he will realize that we are really good together and want me the way I want him.If not, we are great friends and that's fine.I have to learn to get over him while he is still in my face, so to speak. I close my eyes when he changes clothes in front of me! Honest!!!! There is just something so sexy about him that I get turned on by looking at him. BUT, he doesn't want me that way anymore... so I will get over it.We are going to try to continue to live together. Who know if this can work. I hope so. Like I said, I feel comforted having him around.This has been a long week. I stopped speaking with my best friend. I told my father that I don't really want him around my daughter, Bill and I broke up and I was diagnosed as Bipolar and now am on meds.What a frigging week!But things will get better. This is just a test from G-d and I will win. I have no choice. I have an amazing daughter to raise. I don't have time to be a head case. :)She's finally asleep... now I can go to bed. Wishing Bill was with me.........as always.Goodnight whoever still reads this blog! Thanks too!
posted by Stacey @ 2:53 PM
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