Anger!!!!

My xhusband is an idiot. He is passaive agressive and nothing is ever his fault. His miserable life is my fault at the moment. It was his first x wive's before I met him. It will be his girlfriend's if they break up. It is always the other persons fault. The problem with paul is this: he is so irrational that there is no arguement. There is no one to walk to, no one to explain things to.
He has been sending me nasty email all week and refused to give me a lousy $5 that I ask for for dropping my daughter to him. He doesn't have a car because he lost his license years ago for being irresponsible. He refuses to take a car service to come get her. I have bent over backwards to be nice to him, ease his miserable life but no more. I am no one's dog.
I have been nervous for a couple of weeks now because of the surgery. I have my friend John to drive me to the hospital for the procedure. I do not have a ride home on Tuesday. I may take a car service to SI to stay with my parents. I would rather be in my own house but I don't think it is working out. I would almost rather just stay fat and not have the surgery. I am scared, I am alone and I just can't take it much longer. I have some wonderful friends but it isn't the same as having a lover. Someone who holds you when you are scared. I know I am strong. I know I can conquer all of my fears... but it would be nice to be held and told everything will be ok.
I have so much on my mind I want to scream.
I don't need the extra bullshit from paul. I wish he would just go away. Fly to another country with his girlfriend and stay out of my life. Hope doesn't need to be with a man who has no life, no past and no future.
She needs to be around positive, uplifting, HEALTHY people.
I am trying... I really am.