Fear, Loneliness, Strength and Determination
I am going for my surgery on February 26. Its an overnight stay inthe hospital and then 3-5 day recuperation period. I plan on going back to work the following Monday.
The Friday following my surgery is Hope's third birthday. I am planning a very small party at my parents house pending my being able to drive to Staten Island.
I have no one set in stone to drive me to or from the hospital. I need to pick Hope up from her father's house Tuesday after my discharge.
Fear: I am going to have laporascopic surgery to minimize the size of my stomach. I will lose enough weight over the next 6 months (and on and on and on) until I am no longer the same fat woman I have always been.
Loneliness: I have no one to drive me to the hospital or to bring me home.
Strength and determination: F*ck the world, I will figure it all out.
My parents have offered to drive me but they are so much aggravation that I don't want them to be involved. John from Nassau County has offered to do as much as he can but he works. Emily said if it isn't during rush hour and she can get people to work for her she can do it. Sherry is going to AZ to see her new grandson. I haven't asked Stacy what her days off are yet. I asked Z, my booty call, but he can't promise me and doesn't want to let me down on something so important. I am fresh out of ideas. In the end, my parents will do it and make me crazy.
A good friend has been councilling me. I met him because I wanted him as a sugar daddy.... instead he is my friend. MUCH more important. He told me 2 things that have really stuck in my head: I need to put me on a pedestal before anyone else will. I am not diner material. I am resteraunt material. If I keep letting men think I am worthless they will continue to treat me as such. I need to remember all that!!!!!!!
Fear, loneliness, strength and determination. I can conquer it all. One step at a time.
I am fighting mental illness everyday. I will soon be fighting food everyday. I can do this. I CAN do this.
The Friday following my surgery is Hope's third birthday. I am planning a very small party at my parents house pending my being able to drive to Staten Island.
I have no one set in stone to drive me to or from the hospital. I need to pick Hope up from her father's house Tuesday after my discharge.
Fear: I am going to have laporascopic surgery to minimize the size of my stomach. I will lose enough weight over the next 6 months (and on and on and on) until I am no longer the same fat woman I have always been.
Loneliness: I have no one to drive me to the hospital or to bring me home.
Strength and determination: F*ck the world, I will figure it all out.
My parents have offered to drive me but they are so much aggravation that I don't want them to be involved. John from Nassau County has offered to do as much as he can but he works. Emily said if it isn't during rush hour and she can get people to work for her she can do it. Sherry is going to AZ to see her new grandson. I haven't asked Stacy what her days off are yet. I asked Z, my booty call, but he can't promise me and doesn't want to let me down on something so important. I am fresh out of ideas. In the end, my parents will do it and make me crazy.
A good friend has been councilling me. I met him because I wanted him as a sugar daddy.... instead he is my friend. MUCH more important. He told me 2 things that have really stuck in my head: I need to put me on a pedestal before anyone else will. I am not diner material. I am resteraunt material. If I keep letting men think I am worthless they will continue to treat me as such. I need to remember all that!!!!!!!
Fear, loneliness, strength and determination. I can conquer it all. One step at a time.
I am fighting mental illness everyday. I will soon be fighting food everyday. I can do this. I CAN do this.
posted by Stacey @ 9:40 AM
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